things that no one really talks about..

We’ve all heard stories about how difficult or beautiful those 9 months could be, what to expect from your body and the little being growing inside you. We may also get to hear tons of birthing stories – mostly the horrid ones, because the well meaning people around us want us to know what can go wrong and want us to stay prepared.

First things first, be kind to yourself and say NO to any horror stories: A strict and firm NO.

Moving on, what no one really talks about is what happens after you’ve delivered and then when you return home – the forth trimester! And that is tougher darlings.. our bodies go through so much and there’s so much to be taken care of… I would love to share some bits from my own experience and I really hope it helps in some ways and makes you feel a little better prepared… ❤️

As a first time Mother, I feel extremely grateful that I attended a few classes, read a lot and that I have an army of women to support me – my mother, friends and helpers and above all my rock, my baby daddy.

But guess what, I’m still clueless about a lot of things.. and that’s alright 😊 We will all figure it out, one day at a time! We got this!

In this space, I’m going to start with what happens right after you have given birth.

First of all, you will be a ❤️New Mother❤️, a joy like no other and a blessing I wish for everyone. It will come with bewildering array of emotions, positive, negative, protective, overprotective, overwhelming but soooooo very beautiful.

Take your time to absorb the beauty of your tiny human, adore them, cuddle them, cry it out (trust me it might happen to both you and the Daddy).. try to sink it all in and settle!

Also, take pictures and videos, of what’s permissible.. you know there’s a video my baby daddy took because my doctor insisted he must and I wasn’t even aware of it… it was when my little Surdlet was brought to my chest… I broke in tears and laughter at the same time and I’ve no idea what language was I speaking but every time I look at that video, I tear up… it’s the most precious feeling in this whole wide world… and I would like all of us to be able to hold on to it…

and now let me share some inevitable practical experiences, some you will love and some not so much but what to do.. they all make up for our unique birthing story. One like no other. Let me share some that I feel we must know about.

1) Did you have a vaginal delivery? Or a caesarean?

2) Did you face a natural tear from pushing or got an episiotomy?

3) Did you push too hard and end up with haemorrhoids?

4) Did you manage to get some skin to skin with your baby to aid the natural latching process?

5) Did you get the baby cleaned up in hospital? Do we have a say in it?

Let’s see what happens when you experience any of these things.. be strong and read it through…

1) In case of a vaginal delivery, whether or not you took a pain relief, you will be sore down there..! Yes… that’s true… 😞 And a lot of soreness will kick in after 24-48 hours, once the pain killer effect subsides.. but silver lining, whenever you think you can’t take it anymore, all you have to do is turn to the side where that little munchkin is and you won’t even notice that pain. It’s so very worth it.

Also noticed something?! I called it vaginal and not normal or natural because it is no more normal or natural than any other ways of bringing a life into this world. I feel very dearly about this… especially because some of my very dear friends ended up having a C-sec, planned or emergency, doesn’t matter and I know how they felt every time someone probed further and said oh, why didn’t you have a normal delivery? We need to be sensitive towards each other.. More on that in another write up later.

2) Tear or cut, you will get stitches down there… this I knew and I was so scared of it before and after… I’m sure you would be scared too… but hang in, and look at that gorgeous baby of yours. We have a super power and it’s called 💜 Motherhood! 💜

Ok, so the doctors tell you it gets dissolved on its own but you need to be prepared that every time you pee, it burns.. sometimes more, sometimes less.. when stitches start to come off, it feels as if something’s restricting your pee. It also feels something pokey is in between your bums or legs, depending on how deep your tear was and where it was. You may wanna pull it but obviously you can’t.

A more practical solution for both the situations above is Ice packs, they work wonders.. 👍🏻 I loved sitting on them for the first few days.. seriously try them and you will instantly feel the relief because you wouldn’t want to use perineal creams or sprays until stitches come off.

3) If you did push too hard, chances are you made way for haemorrhoids. This is for Mammas who just wanna push that baby out so bad! Hehe! These things could be real tiny or big.. docs may suggest a removal but it’s up to you if you could wait it out. Because removal may mean discomfort for a few more weeks and waiting out may work well for you as it may shrink or completely disappear with proper care. And ice packs will come to rescue anyway.

And now it’s time to reveal the 2 most beautiful experiences ever 🥰

4) The beauty of skin to skin and natural latching experience can’t be expressed enough. Please insist on doctors letting the baby stay with you right after he/she comes out of you, irrespective of the way Baby is delivered, unless it’s not possible for medical reasons and for either of your safety. But if safety and health are not be worried about, do not let them take the baby away for a clean up and regular checks. Height, weight, head circumference, what have you, can and must wait. The baby needs you. Imagine your little baby being snuggled in the warmth of your womb and suddenly comes out only to be taken away for a change and touched by strangers – the hospital staff. I can’t even imagine that, it breaks my heart when I try to imagine what my baby would’ve felt… After all it’s their debut as humans! What babies really need is the reassurance that the world isn’t alien after all, and we, their mothers are waiting to snuggle, hug and hold them. The way baby climbs up to you and in a minute or two finds his way upto one of your boobies is amazingly natural and yet so wonderfully astonishing. I want all of us to be able to feel that… this is the video I spoke earlier about… this feeling is what you would wanna hold on to, forever! Once that is done, he is already stimulating his milk factory! Give it 40-45 mins, an hour or even more – he needs your warmth and no machine can replicate that. If measurements are to be taken, some can be done while he is on you and rest can be done right after.

All you need to do is spend these precious moments together as a new family, you, your partner and the newest member!

5) In my opinion and after reading up so much about it, my answer is let’s please not bathe the baby. Is the baby dirty? hell no! baby comes out in your blood and a protective creamy layer on the skin called Vernix caseosa, also known as vernix. It protects your baby for hours after birth, if not longer and the layer sheds off when the role is complete. It’s not filthy or dirty by any means, this is what you must call normal and natural. Also bathing your baby rips off moisture from their delicate skin and there’s no possible explanation to do that. They are too soft, tender and frail… let’s not make things tougher for them.. You could, however, slowly introduce water to them by either wiping them down once every few days or bathing them slowly every few days. Some cultures around the world even forbid you from bathing a baby (and also yourself!!) for anything from a couple of boo weeks to 40 days.

For both the points 4 & 5, I urge you to discuss this with your doctor ahead of time. Why do I say that? Because some countries encourage it and some don’t and then there are some others that don’t even educate you about these things. I was fortunate to give birth in Singapore, which offers such a diverse group of people to talk and discuss these things and the country itself promotes these two things because of how natural this is. On the other side, almost all of my friends who delivered babies in different parts of India, didn’t even know these things play a part or are open to discussions. They didn’t know.. and got their babies nicely cleaned up and wrapped in new clothes, no questions asked or answered. There is no right or wrong but I feel we must make an educated choice for things we can.

No one can tell you absolutely everything because every pregnancy and every birthing story is different and unique.

These are just some of the things I feel someone should tell all pregnant ladies irrespective. I’m glad I knew some of these things because of the sheer research I did but experiencing it first hand infused a different level of emotion in me and so I felt the need to pen it down. Motherhood, I tell you! 😇

I hope it can take away a little bit of anxiety that tends to build up in those last few weeks! I hope and wish a super easy labor and delivery for all of you.. 🤗

You got it Mamma. 💜

Remember one thing, “You do You” and it will all be so very beautiful when you hold that tiny little baby of yours!

Xoxo